MY Shattered ILLUSION

Everyday I have to endure a very tiring ,seemingly endless journey .MY only solace this long has been a house..STrange as it sounds,the architecture warms my heart..I probably cnt paint as pretty a picture as it seems in my mind.There is this glass dome shaped structure on the first floor where light hits at an angle which reminds me of the Musée du Louvre.Everyday I look forward to seeing it.IT was becoming a habit but the strange thing was that I would always avoid looking at it in the morning..Maybe instinct,maybe something else.MY curiosity finally won over so yesterday I made it a point to look at it.What I saw was what I had feared..The house was way ordinary amidst the long row of beautifully and tastefully done houses,white I have always considered to be a morose color and the paint was withering away..The glass dome was unclean dust ridden and also broken.Suddenly my only solace to the long lonely journeys was snatched away.IT was like Glass shattering..Just like dat my illusion shattered.
Lesson Learnt- If I compare it to relationships den this is wat I see.Relationships are beautiful until u continue ignoring the reality..Everything seems perfect from afar but closer you get there are chances of glass shattering and d shards injuring you..SO its upto you ,if you want a relationship,you must remain ignorant

BV Vs. Tihar

I usually refrain from speaking about myself but in dis case,I believe,I need to be formally introduced...I am convict no. AJMCA01345

,cell no. 38,Banasthali Vidyapith currently under the supervision of the Indian version of Cruella DiVill( in our desi version,instead of dogs Ms. Cruella hates salwar claded, bespectacled ,submissive young women)and Mrs. Green eyed monster(she only wears diff shades of green)...Well,much unlike Tihar where the prisoners have no other option, I (not in my right mind) decided to commit myself to Banas (i shd have rather gone for a mental institution)....To attract more and more fools ,B(plz use urs brains and figure out what I am talking about) looks rather nice from inside..She even has a cemented road(giving Tihar strong competition),beautiful buildings,a handful of canteens(where u shd def go if u want to have some maggot infested food and ofcourse if u r really in d mood to permanently extinguish ur taste buds wid d terribly spicy food)..Not only that .B also offers inmates excellent education and many ways to showcase their talents in various fields including sports,art,music etc etc...I believed that I can make a better person out of me and seeing the healthy atmosphere ,I gave it no more thought..
3 yrs have passed( a long sigh.....)..I can't see outside d wall( because d whole place is surrounded by a thick wall and ofcourse ,outside that ,is a 70 k.m spread desert)..Just like inmates in TIhar we occasionaly peer outside our caged existence and try to catch glimpses of the outside world but all we get r stern glances frm armed guards( I dont even want to think abt our predicament if we venture too close to d Gate)..
Our wardens deserve special applause because they have mastered the art of cruelty even better than the Tihar wardens...We are slowly poisoned-..We ahave learned to cohabit peacefully with all kinds of insects and reptiles..we have become so generous that we occasionally let a dog sleep next to us....Just yesterday when I stood in d hour long line to get my milk(the only nutritous food I have whole day..It also satisfies my thirst because 3/4th of it is always water),a brave martyr (a tiny grasshopper)tired of d hellish existence,jumped into d container of milk..The girls screamed,maybe horrified at d creature's brave attempt...But its sacrifice was useless as it was quickly discarded by d warden..to add to d monstrosity,she offered d same milk,now tainted wid d saint's blood(or whatever dey have)..The next day many girls rushed to d shackle called hospital( for they didnt deserve to drink d holy milk)..
I never feel lonely at night as I all always sleep wid a million insect stuck all over my body..The heat here is a killer and it kiils everybody except our tougher counterparts(the insects).
Ofcourse our place is better than Tihar..After all we can boast of jammers(for those who dont knw..jammers r special torture equipments desgined to jam cellphone signals and eventually destroy the battery)..and also we have 12x7 internet (where everything is blocked and d net bandwidth is 3.5 Mbps shared between 1000 nodes)(let Tihar ever beat dat)..Occasionaly a few rogue inmates attempt to escape which results in them being shot down and d jail even more fortified..A few more restrictions crop up..I guess we still have d right to breathe,what else can anyone want..now you decide....wher wud u like to stay?Tihar or Banas :-)

Jst a couple of days left before I go back to my old life and dat is why I am tryin to make most of it...Today I went to see Die Hard 4..d hall was filled wid action buffs and only a handfull of girls..ofcourse most of the other girls came in wid their boyfriends and I am sure no one came because of their love for action movies xcept me..I had dragged nidhi along who was initially reluctant but later grateful..after d movie we went straight to do d thing I love most -eating...we experimented on a delicious chocolate mousse covered wid chocolate scrapings..it was heavenly..I dont know bout most people but I wud def agree if sumone said chocolate is a good substitue for sex :D(not dat I wud know how d latter feels)..
Later I dropped her off and went straight to an old friend's place..entering her room was like a flashback from the past..from d window we stared out as it started to rain heavily...I find rainy days a bit depressing but today it was diff...I refused to take d umbrella she offered intentionally..i wanted to feel d raindrops on my face..it was raining heavier dan I thought..I ignored d fact dat I was almost drenched and my clothes clinging tightly to my frame..for a few seconds I felt nothing but pure joy..i was swirling and twirling like I used to when I was a kid,no longer conscious of whether somebody was watching me,I was gigling for no apparent reason and d song "kiss from the rose " playin in my head..its amzing how lil things give u so much pleasure ..like this one time when I saw a raindrop on a rose..somehow I can always conjure dat image..most will ignore it but for me it was a real beauty..sometimes we r so surrounded by other things dat we cant see nature's beauty..moments like these,moments when I am all alone ,I see things differently and I enjoy my moments of solitude ..maybe being a dreamer isnt such a bad thing after all

Life or something like it

Well life is funny..whenever I thought I had learnt enough life taught me another lessen..I hated school life ..I wasnt exactly in the nerd category but was definitely not in the so called "in crowd"...Wasnt a bookworm exactly neither was I a teacher's pet..hated d concept of a gang..loved to hop from one group to another looking (for god knows what....yes hated following the rules...my school was one of d conservative kinds and yes my parents didnt exactly make my life any easier...I was another gangly confused teenager...only thought of making boyfriends,being popular,being a topper( though I didnt put in any effort ),be some hot sexy chick..Now ofcourse I laugh at myself for having such a shallow outlook..maybe most people were like me then or maybe not..I dont really care...I dreamed of college life..I thought about the stuff I would wear,the "my kind of" friends I will make..i wanted to go radical..get red streaks,piercing(god knows how many)(btw I already hav 3 pair of piercings..might get a coupla more),wear black leather jacket,ride a bullet( wierd aspirations for a girl) but thats what I was,always trying to do things differently..had a permanent disregard for rules and breaking them was my favourite pastime...but fate had different plans for me...that is why I landed up in Banasthali..A university with a difference..yes it was truly different..
This place stood for everythin that I had detested all my life...for starters we had to wear only khadi salwar suits(there went my dreams of wearing leather pants and jackets into the drain)...very strict rules ..no men(that doesnt seem like a tragedy anymore..on the contrary I am glad)..
The heat is unbearable..and my lack of carrying an umbrella has resulted in a rather charred complexion :(..the most comfortable place that I found was the ATM..ahh..the ATM brings back fond memories...its sorta like every girls best friend..(ofcourse the head cashier should be friendly too(referring to dad)).But yes brings back bad memories as well..last summer i had gone crazy with d spending spree and by the time dad found out there was jst 1 rupee 75 paise left...well he didnt freak out much.he jst took all my privileges(net,tv,going out,mobile) except breathing...:(
recently we had a bad water shortage problem(its Rajasthan yaar)..so to my mother's and shopkeeper's delight and my dismay I felt a lightening in my purse as money poured out in buying bisleri :(...everytime I would pass the pastry shop and ohhhhh d moth watering chaats:( but ofcourse I had to look past that and come out wid 2 litre bottles
this place has taught me a lot,from washing dishes,to washing clothes( tough job indeed) to adjust wid not so adjusting people and yes this is were I found my family, d friends who would forever live in my heart...
i have a lot to learn but its sure gonna be fun I guess..hating and loving my life at the same time,falling down,making mistake,getting back on track again,late night chats,ghost story sessions,dance parties,surviving on maggi..made and lost friends,had wonderful moments..something I will cherish for the rest of my life
P.S this entry is dedicated to Anjali,Nidhi,Nupur,Adi,Priya,Shivi,Shruti,Shef,Venu(inside Banas)
Maddy,Nonu,Ari,Ankit,Tutu,Sumer(Outside Banas)...
special thanks to Priya who suggested that I needed to come up wid a new not so depressing blog
these might seem like just names to you but 4 me it is MY Life